All natural

Disclaimer: this post is about medications and mind altering substances, this is merely my opinion on the subject. If you don’t agree, great, there’s no need to argue. You can either continue reading or close the page. Thank you. Alright, as I’ve said before, I’m a recovering drug addict with a plethora of mental health diagnoses and I am/have been entirely drug, medication, mind altering substance free for approximately 2 years (I have no idea the exact date because I feel keeping track of it puts much too much pressure on something so menial). I feel better today than I ever have in my entire life, I believe, due to having a clear mind, body, and soul. I am not saying that without experience. I have put just about everything in my body I could all in an attempt to feel better. I’ve used alcohol, drugs, MAT, antidepressants, antipsychotics, anxiety meds, anything you can think of I’ve probably used. I was in search of an external solution to an internal problem, I think a lot of people are. Any drug or even prescription medication I used or abused I thought was making me feel better, but in reality it just made me feel different. Different isn’t necessarily better, different was just not the same feeling of bottomless despair and hopelessness. Sometimes different was just numb and I much preferred numb to the endless pain that I thought was my life. I switched from illegal drugs, to medication assisted therapy (Suboxone), to mental health medications; but none of them solved any of my problems. They were just a band aid covering the real issue, me. I was my own problem, I was the only one standing in my way, I was the root of everything that was wrong with my life. I hated the way I felt, I hated my life, I hated a lot of things. So, I changed what seemed like the easiest thing, what I was putting in my body. I stopped taking everything (other than coffee and nicotine hehe). Detoxing from everything isn’t fun, but if it meant I could maybe feel better it’d be worth a shot. I mean I’d already tried putting things in my body to feel better and that wasn’t working so maybe taking things out of it would. By god it seemed to work, so the next phase of my change; change the food that I was putting into my body. I would go long periods without eating and then stuff myself with the most disgusting unhealthy things. I started eating regularly and much more healthy. Guess what? I started feeling even better. Move onto the next phase: I started exercising. I started off with some easy workouts I found on YouTube and different workout apps and you’re not gonna believe this shit…I STARTED TO FEEL EVEN FUCKING BETTER! And then to the next phase; since I was feeling physically better and mentally clear, it was time to focus on me. It was time to dig deep and try to find the root of internal pain and learn how to process through that so I could break this ugly cycle I had been trapped in. And guys you’re not gonna believe this shit! I’m back and better than ever. I finally feel like me again. For some people medication of some sort might be necessary, I would never suggest you stop any sort of treatment without consulting your doctor. But for me, I was seeking external solutions to internal problems. I was placing band aids on the surface when I was bleeding internally. There is no easy path to healing and happiness. I was able to find myself within myself. Healing takes time and conscious effort and it wasn’t something I was able to do while I was trying to numb myself with drugs of any kind. For the first time in a very long time I finally feel free, I finally feel like me.