His thoughts and my voice

Sometimes I find myself feeling bored in this new lifestyle of mine, in this lifestyle I’m not accustomed to, in this lifestyle I never expected, in this lifestyle I could’ve never dreamed of. I’m a warrior. I’ve been a warrior all my life. My life has been a constant battlefield. I’ve fought tooth and nail for my survival, for my place in the world, for the things I’ve loved, and for the most part against the things I didn’t know I needed until recently. I’ve been accustomed to my life being a war zone and my biggest enemy myself. I never imagined being a part of any of this here today. I thought I would die a warrior in a battlefield of my design and back then I was okay with that, I’d made peace with that, that was the only life I knew, and that was okay. I never imagined that one day my demons would be my biggest ally. I know where I come, I know what I’ve been through, and I know how easily I could slip back. I can hear their screeching, taunting, pleading with me to come back. Now that is my motivation. I take pleasure in knowing they are uncomfortable with who I am now. Their pleading with me to come back fuels my desire to keep pushing forward in this new way of life. I could still be my own worst enemy but I’ve learned to harness all that I was and use it to become the best I can be, my fuel, my desire, my motivation to keep going on this new battlefield. I am still a warrior, but the battle I fight is so much different now. I am a survivor of my own self destructive lifestyle. Now, I get to fight for my legacy, I get to fight for my family, the 6 pairs of little eyes looking up to me. This battlefield is so much different than the all out war zone I’ve grown accustomed to. This one is slower, kinder, I must move with thoughtfulness and skill, for everything I do is being watched, learned and mimicked. There are days I feel I don’t deserve to be here, but it’s not fair for me to not. I’ve earned this and I’m not doing just for me anymore. This is not the battlefield I’m used to, this is not the battlefield I’m comfortable in, but this one is the most important one I’ll ever be on.