After some reflection

I’ve had some time to think and when you didn’t show, when you ignored my calls, my texts, after you said you’d be there and I waited; my brain switched back to that of a traumatized four year old girl waiting for her daddy to pick her up. The daddy that would never show, the daddy that ignored the calls, the daddy that left forever. I went back to thinking like that traumatized four year old girl. I was devastated. Why does this keep happening? What did I do wrong? Am I not deserving of love? What could be more important? Why won’t you just answer me? I need a reason! Do you know you’re breaking my heart? Do you care? No. I’m not that four year old girl. I’m strong, I am resilient, I am powerful, and I don’t need you; I never did. I am hurt, I am sad, I will move on without you and that’s entirely your loss. The issue is not nor has it ever been mine, it’s yours. There’s nothing I could’ve or would’ve done differently to make you change. I know that, I’ve always known that, but I got my hopes up. I thought maybe just maybe you could put me first for once. I thought maybe this time you wouldn’t make my stuff about you. I thought maybe you could at least pretend to care. I thought wrong. I knew better than to expect more from you. You are selfish to your very core you always have been and that’s never going to change. You’ve proven time and time again you aren’t willing to change, you’re actions speak for themselves. I stand by my decision to write you off for good. I am done giving you chances you didn’t ask for and hurting my own feelings. I’m done letting you and anyone else treat me or my family like an option. I done with openly inviting any kind of negativity into my life. I am done with you. I hope you live the life you deserve. I take solace in knowing my children will never experience the things you’ve put me through.