Relationships

Relationships in general are hard, relationships in active addiction are harder, relationships in recovery are even harder. My husband and I met when we were both early in recovery, we relapsed a few times together, and now together we are in long term recovery. I’m going to say it is rare for couples to make it through that together. Every treatment center, every NA/AA meeting you ever attend, any counselor you ever speak to will tell you not to start a relationship while in early recovery. I want to put it on the record and say, they’re probably right. I believe my mine and my husband’s success story is a rarity, I don’t think it has to be, but I don’t think most people have what it takes to recover together. Early on in our relationship we made A LOT of very poor decisions, but the best decision either of us made was to never give up on the other. We have literally been through hell and back together. Multiple felony convictions, losing multiple homes, multiple incarcerations, we’ve burnt our lives to the ground together countless times and we have also built it all back together. He is the one person in my life that never gave up, that never called it quits, that never thought anything was too tough for us to pull through. Together we are rising. The key to success with us is that we don’t complete each other. He doesn’t fill the void I was filling with drugs. He doesn’t make me whole. Because two broken partial people do not make two whole people, ever. He is my partner. My perfect match. He is my complimentary part. He doesn’t make me whole, he loved me and supported my own journey until I healed myself and made myself whole. You can’t rely on another person to fill the void inside yourself, you are the only one that can repair that. A good partner will love you and support you until you are able to heal yourself and vice versa. Don’t be the other half of anyone, be a complimentary piece. You should be whole people separate from each other and together you should conquer worlds. I think that’s why dating in active addiction and early recovery is hard, because we are constantly trying to fill that void within ourselves with anything but self introspection. I do believe to love someone correctly you must first know how to love yourself. You cannot hand someone the broken pieces of yourself like “here use this to fill your void” because you will lose yourself in trying to repair them. Be someone your partner can lean on, grow with, and learn from. Be someone that pushes your partner to always be the best version of themselves. Be someone that will attract the type of love and support you deserve.