I’ve found Me

Since getting married I have officially changed my last name everywhere and on everything. I’ve only been married once, but I’ve had three last names. Each time I change it I feel like I’ve killed an old version of myself and new one has been born and this time finally feels right. I was born Taylor Mae Gette. I had my biological dads last name through grade school and I hated it. I hated having any relation to him. I hated having to explain to people why my name was different than my siblings and parents. I hated everything about it. I wanted nothing to do with him. So, for my birthday one year my grandma paid for me to get my last name changed to match that of my mom, my step dad, and my siblings. To do that we had to go to court and my biological father had to be notified and if he wanted to contest it he’d have to show up. A sick part of me hoped he would. Hoped he cared if I kept his name or not. Hoped I’d get to see him in court. Of course, he did not show, which was to be expected, but none the less disappointing for me on a deep level. He 100% did not care. That day Taylor Mae Rotter was born and Taylor Mae Gette was killed. Taylor Gette was finally put to rest. It was the death of a little girl who’s life hadn’t even begun. It was the death of what could’ve been, but never would be. It was the death of shattered hopes and dreams. It was the birth of seeking to find myself. The birth of a little girl just wanting to belong. The birth of so many insecurities. The birth of a shattered little girl. The birth of a girl who sought out acceptance from where ever she could find it. The birth of a little girl who was so angry at the world she took it out on herself. The birth of a girl that tried to find herself in other people. Tuesday was the death of that girl. I got to close that chapter forever. Tuesday was the birth of Taylor Mae Kelsey. This new name, this new chapter in my life, this new version of myself finally feels right; for the first time ever. This was the beautiful much needed death of Taylor Mae Rotter. This was the death of seeking the approval of others. This was the death of a girl who sacrificed herself for the sake of others who didn’t deserve it. This was the death of all the insecurities. This was the birth of a strong and independent woman. This was the birth of a woman who knows who she is. This was the birth of the person I should’ve been all along. This is the birth of a woman that knows her worth. This is the birth of a woman that will not be walked over by anyone. This is the start of the life I’ve always dreamed of. I am over the moon to share my husband’s last name. I am beyond excited to be an official part of his family. I am no longer scared to cut ties with those that claim to be family but abuse the title. I know who I am and I love her. I love my life, I love the people that stand by my side. I have found me and my name finally feels fitting.