Just shut up

I’m going to preface this by making a relatively broad generalization. Men and women differ quite dramatically especially in the way we think. In my experience men are generally more logical while women operate on a more emotional level. Now, with that being said, my husband and I haven’t had a notable fight in probably the better part of a year (he can correct that if need be lol) and would you like to know why? Because I quit picking fights. Literally that easy. I’m not saying that I disregard things that bother me or things that need to be discussed, I’m saying that I’ve been working on how I address situations, which situations actually need to be addressed, noting when I’m being hyper emotional or irrational, and submitting to my husband and letting him take the lead for our family. All of that is easy to say, but a lot harder to do in practice. This is still a massive work in progress for me, but I’m getting better and better at just shutting my mouth and actually listening. One of my main problems was a listening with the intention of responding instead of listening to actually understand. Which meant I would interrupt, unnecessarily voice my opinion and feelings, and ultimately quit listening once I’d gotten myself all worked up over something generally quite small and end up making it a big thing. Sound familiar? My first step in truly submitting to my husband as the head of our household was identifying where I was going wrong with my role. Get ready this is lengthy. First and foremost, I’ve always had a problem with authority no matter who it was. I’ve never been one to do what I’m told just out of pure spite and pride. I’m very good at being selfish when something makes me emotional, ie that hurt my feelings so I’m not going to listen anymore and I’m going to hang onto that feeling for as long as possible and try to make you feel as bad as I do now. I’m very good at taking everything very personally. I’ve been known be become incredibly emotionally unhinged relatively quickly. I’ve been more opt to lean toward emotional or physical violence than actual conflict resolution. I’m also quite good at making myself the victim in most situations. And I’m also great at making myself be heard by any means necessary. There’s probably more, but those are the major faults I could identify that weren’t congruent with healthy communication whatsoever. My first step in remedying this was asking myself if any of that was working for me? No, it wasn’t. Asking myself if I was actually a good listener? No, I wasn’t. Asking myself if my husband has ever said or done anything intentionally malicious to me? No, he hasn’t. Asking myself if he’s ever intentionally done anything to endanger us? No, quite the opposite actually. Asking myself if my husband is a good leader? Yes, he’s proven that over and over. Asking myself if my husband’s intention is always to protect and provide for us? Yes, that’s absolutely apparent. Then what the fuck is my actual issue with just accepting that? If he’s proven that all he wants to lead, protect, and provide for our family then I need to allow him to do that without making it harder for him to do so. I’ve have been working on accepting the decisions he makes for our family because he operates on a more rational level than I do and he always has our best interest in mind. I support and back him up in all his decisions and if I question something I hold my tongue instead of immediately questioning his leadership. I sit and I pray on it, more often than not it ends up making sense and if it doesn’t I ask him about it. I don’t bring it up in a way that leads him to belief I don’t have faith in his decisions, but I’m such a way that expresses that I don’t understand and would like to. I’ve learned that my two cents isn’t needed everywhere even when I want to voice something’s 90% of the time it’s unnecessary because I’m aware it’ll fall on deaf ears and just start something much bigger all because I needed to feel heard. I’ve learned to speak to God in those times. My life is so much more peaceful since I’ve quit fighting my husband’s lead. Letting go of myself desires to control everything and always be heard have made everyone’s lives easier. I know that I’m a a stubborn, opinionated, argumentative person, but picking fights with the one person that’s always on my side isn’t helping anyone. Like I said this is still a work in progress, but so far it’s improved our lives dramatically. I understand that my husband is never the enemy and I’m so grateful for him and everything he has done and continues to do for us.