..but you were just here

Death. Death is one of those things I’ve experienced a lot, but that I just can’t quite grasp. I don’t know if I just compartmentalize it or just dissociate from it, but I just don’t understand. It doesn’t make sense to me. You were just here. I can still hear your voice. I have these pictures. I have your contact in my phone. I still have our text thread. How is it that you were just here and now you’re not? You mean to tell me that you’re really gone? That you’ll lever answer my texts again? Or pick up my phone calls? You won’t answer the door when I knock? You were just here. I have proof. I want to cry, but I can’t because it just doesn’t make sense. You can’t really be gone. Where did you go? Heaven is what I choose to believe, because that’s where you belong, but what does that mean? I hope it means you’re no longer in pain. I hope it means there’s no sadness. I hope it means you can hear our prayers. I hope it means that we can still feel you here with us. I hope it means we’ll get to see you again, because I still haven’t come to terms with that fact that you’re gone. I wish you could tell me.