I’m Working on It

Do you wake up in the morning, look at yourself in the mirror and say, “I’m fucking awesome, I love my life, I have a gift worth sharing with the world, and I’m going to make today my bitch!” If you don’t, why not? Because you should, everyone should. We were each given this life not by some tragic accident but with purpose and it seems pretty ungrateful to waste it away being miserable. When you think about how small we all are and how short life actually is why would you want to waste a single moment being unhappy, doing something you hate, being mad at yourself or someone you love? Get over it, get over yourself, get over your petty differences, and get on with it. I wake up every morning to my phone dinging with two positive affirmations , and then I get two more every hour for the next 10 hours, I have apps set to do this every day so that I wake up and go to sleep with self love and positivity. Why, because I deserve it and so do you. You have this one life and this one body so be nice to it. Talk to yourself as you would talk to others, because the shit you say to yourself I GUARANTEE your never say to another living person. Look at yourself and your life as an outsider, through the eyes of someone other than yourself. Make a list of what you love about you, physically, spiritually, morally and then make a list of things you could be doing better or areas where you could improve. Do this every day, write yourself a love letter. Learn to love you, because there’s only one you and you’re going to be stuck with that one you forever. Learn to love every aspect of who you are because you are fucking awesome!

So, the other day my fiancée asked me “if you could do anything and you knew you couldn’t fail what would you do?” And my answer was “everything”, which he said was a dumb answer and I didn’t realize why until now. For starters why don’t we all live our lives like we can’t fail? Why don’t we live boldly and courageously and reach for our dreams like their within grasp? Well, first reason is I assume is fear. Fear of failure, fear of judgement, fear of the unknown. We live so much of our lives unknowingly controlled by our own fear. And secondly, at least for me, is the fact that I don’t even know what I’d want to do. We all have a gift that’s worth sharing with the world that other people can generally see so plainly, but we ourselves are blind to it. I have no idea what I’d want to do, I haven’t thought of what sparks joy and fulfillment in my life because I’ve been so consumed by other things. So today I’m going to think about what sparks joy and what I fear most and I’m going to jot those things down and focus on them, bring my dreams to fruition and crush my fears into dust. But to start I’ve got to know what they are, so here’s to chasing dreams and acknowledging fears!

One of my favorite quotes (it’s actually hanging on my mother in law’s wall) is “nothing changes if nothing changes”. It sounds super cliche, but it’s true and it’s taken me quite a while to realize that. For so long I stayed stuck in the same shit hole doing the same dumb shit all the while being miserable and wishing things would be different; what sense does that make?! None, but so many of us get stuck in this rut of absolute misery, but the thought of doing something different seems scary. Well we finally did it, we made some changes that were hard that involved swallowing pride, asking for help, and doing things that were just downright uncomfortable. We moved from our shit hole 2 bedroom apartment into my in laws’ basement with our two kids (third on the way), my fiancée started a new job (to which he hasn’t been late a single day), we’ve both quit smoking, I’ve busted out the self help books, we’ve started dieting, getting up before 7 every morning to work out, do yoga, and meditate. I listen to self help podcasts and have positive affirmations that pop up on my phone every hour. We got rid of our POS vehicle and got a car back that had been stolen returned. My fiancée keeps saying something he’s heard on one of his podcasts; “if a man is right, his world will be right”. Do the next right thing in all aspects, raise your vibration, put out the energy you want to get back and the universe will provide. So far we’ve made what seem like just small positive changes in our lives, but I can already see and feel a difference. I feel genuinely happy and hopeful about the future for almost the first time…even though I’m living in my in laws basement with almost 3 kids, but you know what I could still be stuck in a house that doesn’t fit us, is a terrible neighborhood, where all the sketchy people we used to associate with could find us. Instead we’ve got a stable home, with people that love us and want to help us, where we’re safe and can save money. Things are finally changing and I couldn’t be happier.