Isn’t life strange

I was talking with a friend this morning about how different our lives are and how different we are as people than we were just three short years ago. Three years ago if you’d asked me where I’d be in three years this is absolutely not what I would’ve imagined. Three years ago I was one of the worst versions of myself. Three years ago I was the definition of toxic. Three years ago I was okay with how my life was because it’s all I knew. My life is a million times better now than I ever could’ve imagined. Three years ago at this time I was either just getting out of jail or still on the run, I can’t quite remember which because that’s what most of my adult life consisted of; running and incarceration. If you had asked me how I saw my future my response would’ve been, “I don’t know”. And that was an honest answer. Up until recently I never planned for the future, I lived only for the day because in our life style there may not have been a tomorrow. As I sit here watching a TV show with my husband, our daughter practicing walking, our son already at school, and our tiniest baby snoring on my lap I’m in awe of our life. We’re really doing it, all the things I never though I’d have, never thought I deserved to have. That’s what the whole issue was I think. I didn’t think I was deserving or worthy of happiness. I thought the shit hand I’d been dealt was something I deserved and something I deserved to keep. I didn’t realize that I was well deserving of happiness, we all are. And I didn’t realize that shit hand I’d been dealt was actually a tool for me to use to empower myself and others to achieve more, achieve everything they want if they’re willing to put in the work. You may think you’ve also been dealt a shit hand, but living with it is a choice. You choose to be exactly where you are in life. Your choices alone landed you exactly where you are and you can choose to be anywhere else. Your trials and tribulations can be the fuel to move forward if you put in the effort. This is never the life I imagined I’d have, it’s a helluva lot easier to stick with what you know, and I’m so glad that I decided it was time to change. Life is full of new and beautiful experiences and opportunities you just have to be willing to step out of your comfort zone. Get uncomfortable, go read those self help books, go talk to a therapist, listen to that life coach podcast, research that new diet, try that work out. Do something new, you never know what doors are going to open. I sit here writing this with a lap full of babies, watching tv with the man I love, with a full heart because my life is everything I never knew I wanted. My life is amazing and fulfilling and so different than I ever imagined and I couldn’t be happier.