Oh, okay then

So, I haven’t had job for the better part of the last three years. The last two years mainly because I’ve been very pregnant. I had planned on staying home with our babies because didn’t think daycare would be financially possible. Well, this morning we went to talk to my sons daycare about putting our babies on the waiting list and we were expecting quite a wait as they offer tuition scholarships and are a wonderful Christian based facility. To our surprise they said they could get us in almost immediately! We were both shocked to say the least and to be honest I’m a little disappointed that they were able to get us in so soon…I was hoping to get a few more months at home with my tiny babies. I know that it’s a blessing to get them into such an amazing daycare and I’ll be able to help out financially finally, but I feel like I’m going to miss out on time with them while they’re so small and that makes me sad. And honestly I’m nervous about going back to work not only because I haven’t worked in so long, but I have no idea what I want to do. I logged into Indeed to search for jobs for the first time in a long ass time, reviewed my resume; which has a huge gap in employment now, looked at all the jobs I had previously which equate to a pretty impressive resume all in all that I can’t utilize due to my background and I felt incredibly overwhelmed. I don’t even know where to start. Im fully confident in my ability to interview and get a job. A job is a job and I only plan on doing part time, but I want to do something I enjoy to some extent. Maybe I’m being too picky, maybe I’m overthinking this, maybe I’m looking for excuses; but I’m definitely feeling anxious. I actually haven’t felt this kind of anxiety in a long time and if someone else told me they were feeling this way I’d tell them it’s normal, but it’s just daycare and it’s just a job. There’s nothing to freak out about and I know that, but I don’t appreciate it. I know my littlest ones are going to be safe and taken care of and having fun and I know that me working even part time is going to help my family out astronomically. Today I’m going to sit with this uncomfortable feeling, I’m going to make friends with it, I’m going to conquer it, and I’m going scroll through jobs and apply for anything that seems interesting because you never know what might happen.